


Ouroboros

by Mertens



Category: Norse Religion & Lore, Thor (Comics), Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: AU - kind of, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Brothers, Dark, Destiny, Fate, Feels, Gen, It's Not Paranoia If They're Really Out To Get You, Magic, Not Really Character Death, Or Is It?, Ragnarok, Reincarnation, Sorry Not Sorry, That's what you get, but I can't promise anything, but not if you pay attention, hopefully filled with Feels, i guess, it's all ok in the end, some of those relationship tags aren't what you think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-21
Updated: 2013-12-21
Packaged: 2018-01-05 11:02:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1093121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mertens/pseuds/Mertens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you could change you Destiny, would you? If you found out you couldn't, would you still try?</p>
<p>The World begins, continues, and Dies. This cycle happens over and over--it's how Fate works.</p>
<p>But can one truly rebel against Fate? Can one change their Destiny?</p>
<p>Loki tries. Oh, how he tries.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Warnings inside.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ouroboros

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ THIS FIRST:
> 
> This story is based on the idea of reincarnation. As such, all of the characters die over and over. There will be short scenes of murder, and one of suicide. There is a bit of violence in this story as well. If this is something that bothers you, please don't read the story! 0_0
> 
> Moving on from warnings, throughout the story you will see this: 
> 
> /// 
> 
> or this 
> 
> ////  
> ////
> 
> The first one indicates an amount of time has passed, regardless of if the amount of time is a few seconds or several years.
> 
> The second one indicates that Ragnarok has occurred, and the following part of the story takes place in another lifetime.
> 
>  
> 
> I don't have a Beta Reader, and 95% of the time I'm too lazy to go back and re-read what I wrote, so if you see a mistake, let me know so I can change it. <3

Ouroboros  
noun. 

 

1\. a symbol of self-reflexivity and cyclicality - something that is constantly re-creating itself

2\. a sigil in Alchemy

3\. the serpent devours it's own tail

 

It's late at night. Frigga is still awake, working on her weaving. There are too many thoughts in her mind for her to find rest tonight. The doors to her chambers suddenly open with a clatter. Loki runs in sobbing.

"My dear, what is it?" she asks as he falls into her lap. She lays a comforting hand on his head. Her middle son, right now aged only seven years.

Loki can barely get the words out due to his crying. "I hurt them! All of them!"

"What do you mean?"

"In my dream!" he clings to his mother. "We were all grown up, but we were fighting. Mother, I - I killed Thor and Baldur!" sobs wrack his body. "I don't want to! I don't want to hurt them!" 

Frigga holds her son a little tighter. "It's just a dream, sweetheart. It wasn't real."

He looks up at her, green eyes swimming with tears. "It seemed like it really happened." he whispers.

Frigga smiles sadly and pushes his hair out of his face. "It's ok, Loki. Just try not to think about it."

 

Frigga has the gift of foresight. She can see what will happen, and what has happened. This gift is her curse - to know the fates of the ones around her. She tries to push these thoughts down, but they are always in the back of her mind, like a cloud. 

She loves Loki regardless.

///////////////

The boys are now teens. Thor sits on the hill as his brothers play tag nearby. He stares off into the distance. Loki sits down next to him, and Thor startles. 

"What's wrong, Brother?" Loki asks, frowning.

Thor shakes his head. "Have you ever had a memory, but of something that hasn't happened yet?"

Loki raises his eyebrow.

Thor ducks his head. "That must sound crazy."

Loki bites his lip. He knows what Thor is talking about.

"What was the memory?"

"I feel like I was on this before, or I'm going to be one day. I just… I felt kind of sad, because it seemed like something bad was going to happen."

They look out at the setting sun, Baldur still running about chasing butterflies.

"I won't let anything bad happen, Thor." he assures his brother, voice determined.

Thor smiles.

//////////////////

Loki is a young man now. He has worked hard on his magic. One day as he practices his scrying he sees a scene that looks far too familiar. It was a nightmare at one time, but it feels like so much more. It scares him so much he throws the bowl at the wall. 

He marches down the Bi-Frost to Heimdall. "Send me to Nornheim." he tries to sound strong, but there is a waver in his voice. 

Heimdall notices the look of fear of in the prince's eyes. He says nothing.

 

Loki stands before the Three Norns. "Have I seen my past?" he asks them. "Is - is this my future?" the words stick in his throat.

"Do you know the seasons, Prince?" they ask.

He scowls.

"Spring, when life is just beginning. Summer, when life flourishes and many things are happening. Autumn, when things begin to draw to a close. And Winter, when everything dies and is buried."

Loki looks down at his feet.

"Nothing escapes the seasons, Prince. Not even Yggdrasil itself. But after everything has died away, life comes again, and the cycles start over."

He clenches his fists.

"Yggdrasil will burn by my hand, then?" there's a lump in his throat.

The Norns nod.

"There is no way to stop this?"

"Nay, Prince."

"So be it."

 

When he returns, he is on the verge of tears. Heimdall doesn't ask any questions.

////////////////////

He tries his best, he really does. 

He does not mean to kill Baldur, but he does. 

He does not mean for his son Jormungandr to escape. 

Jormungandr lays waste to Asgard. He sets fire to the World Tree.

And Loki is there, at the end of it all. He stands on a hill with his brother. Tears streak his face as he plunges a dagger into Thor's middle.

"I did not mean this to happen, Brother." he sobs as Thor falls to his knees.

 

Yggdrasil has burnt to ashes.

///////////////////  
//////////////////  
Fate has a way of achieving it's ends. No matter what road it takes, the destination is always the same.

////

His heart is racing. He can't stop thinking of what happened on Jotunheim, when the soldier grabbed his arm. He hand unconsciously goes to to his other wrist. He can still feel the chill, tingling where his skin turned blue. He reaches out to Casket in front in front of him.  
"Stop!"  
Loki lets go of the Casket and slowly to turns to the man he once thought was his father.  
"Am I cursed?" he asks, tears pricking his eyes.  
"No."  
His heart sinks. "Then what am I?"  
"You are my son." Odin feels a deep sense of dread, and he hopes that out of all the times this has happened, this will be the time Loki will be able to accept his true origin without it breaking his mind.  
"What more besides?" Loki asks tersely, the blue fading from his face, red eyes slowly turing back to green.  
Odin closes his eye and sighs. He knows he's failed.

//////  
/////

"Tell us the story about the war again, the one with little Loki!" Thor begs his mother. He is still small, and Loki only a toddler. Frigga smiles at her two boys.  
"Alright, but then it's time for bed."  
They boys both clamber up to the couch and look at their mother with round eyes.  
"Asgard was at war with Jotunheim. There were a great many battles, wins and losses on both sides. Finally, the war almost over. Your father was weary after a long battle on Jotunheim, and on his way to the Bi-Frost he stopped inside a Jotun temple. And there side the temple, at the foot of the alter, was a little baby."  
"It was Loki, right?" Thor asks.  
Frigga nods. "Yes, it was little Loki, all alone on a frozen planet. When your father saw you, Loki, he knew he wanted you to come and live with us. He wanted you to grow up here with a family, with a big brother who would look out for you, right Thor?"  
Thor nods fiercely and hugs Loki tightly.  
"He wanted little Loki to have the best life he could, so he brought him home and made him a prince of Asgard."  
Loki nods, his brow furrowed. He's heard this story many times, but it always finds it interesting. Sometimes he thinks about during the day. He came from Jotunheim? All of his story books showed pictures of the people who lived in Jotunheim, and he didn't look anything like them. He would look at himself and look at Thor, they didn't seem too different. But he knew that Thor's parents were Odin and Frigga, and his own parents were Frost Giants who had probably been killed in the war. Odin and Frigga had taken him in, raised him alongside Thor, but they weren't his parents. Although he was happy to be here in Asgard with Thor as his brother, the thought that he is different form everyone else makes him sad.  
As he grows up, it does not get any easier. The other children tease him, and remarks made by teachers and elders, though not meant to harm, do not help.

"Very good, Loki! You are progressing with your fire magic very well for a Jotun!"

"Your manners are impeccable, Loki. Why, I would have never guessed that you were a Jotun. You almost seem Aesir!"

As they grow, Thor ages like a wine, growing stronger and brighter.  
Loki ages like a vinegar, becoming biter and sharp.

///////  
//////

Frigga tries every way she can think of to tell Loki about his heritage. It never turns out well.  
If told from a young age, he feels distanced from his peers.  
If told when he is grown, it utterly destroys him.

She doesn't know what to do anymore.

////  
////

 

Odin stares down at the child. He knows that this is the crux of everything. In this moment he remembers his past lives, everything that happened after this. He thinks of the oath he made to his father, to raise the child of the enemy he slew. He thinks of the heartache this child will cause when he is grown, the lives he will take and the destruction he will cause. He considers leaving this child here in the frozen temple. In the aftermath of the war, he knows no one will be likely to come here, no one else will find little Loki. Perhaps it will better this way, his small life snuffed out before it even got a chance to start. The All-father sighs. He reaches down to pick up the small crying Jotun babe. A thousand times he's done this, a thousand times he's saved Loki from death on the floor of the temple, and this time will be no different. 

Odin sends a prayer to the Norns that his son will forgive him for saving the life of the one that is fated to slay him.

 

Frigga sits at her weaving. Her mind is far away. The door opens. It is Odin returned from Jotunheim. Frigga turns to face him. She knows what will be in his arms. Sometimes she considers that he will change his mind, that he will just leave him there to die, but he never does. She smiles as she walks over to him. Odin hands her the babe.  
"What shall we name him, Wife?"  
"Loki." she replies, not missing a beat.  
They both smile, it is a private joke between the two of them.  
One lifetime, long ago, they had not named him Loki, but they had named him Loptr. It hadn't mattered. Fate is not so easily changed. This child will be the bringer of Ragnarok, no matter what he is called.  
"He's a beautiful child." Frigga says as she holds him. Loki is sleeping peacefully, home at last.

////////////////

Thor and Loki are still young, Baldur but a babe. 

"What do you think we'll be like when we are older, Brother?" Loki asks.

Thor wrinkles his brow. "I cannot picture it." he answers truthfully.

Loki giggles. "I can picture what we'll be like when we are young men. We shall be… Taller."

Thor snorts. "Very funny, Loki." he is silent for a while. "I cannot picture us as old as Father, though. Can you?" there is a slight edge to his voice, as though he is anxious.

"No, I cannot." Loki says truthfully, and perhaps a little sadly.

/////////////////

He doesn't know how many times it's happened. How many cycles have they been through?

Some things change, small things.

But it's always the same. It never goes past a certain point.

The World Tree burns, and it is all Loki's fault.

He worries about this.

But one day, he doesn't worry anymore.

There is nothing he can change.

The Norns said so themselves. 

 

So he embraces the role he has to play.

/////////////////////

He seeks out Angrboda, his soon to be wife and mother of Jormungandr.

He slays Baldur and Thor with glee.

And he laughs as Yggdrasil goes up in flames.

///////////////////  
//////////////////

He repeats this for many cycles.

Sometimes he keeps more memories of past cycles, sometimes he can't remember everything.

Other have these memories too.

Even if nothing is clear, they can see that their future does not go past a certain point. 

Thor sees that he will never be an old man.

Baldur sees that he will never even be middle aged.

 

And Loki sees that it will always be him that destroys everything.

///////////////  
//////////////

Just as suddenly as he decided to embrace to his role, one day he decides to reel against it.

He no longer wants to be the bringer of destruction. He does not want to murder his brothers.

After dozens of cycles, he has grown weary of this. He will fight against it.

//////////////

He tries not to kill Baldur. But his hand slips against a crossbow, and Baldur was on the other side of the room.

/////////////  
////////////

At a certain point, he decides not to be around Baldur at all. He cannot kill him if he cannot see him.

News reaches him, however, that Baldur has drowned in the river. The nursemaid sobs about it.

"If only someone had been there to pull him out! Loki used to always go the the river with him - if only he had been there, Baldur would still be alive!"

/////////  
////////

He must not meet Angrboda. If they do not have a child together, it cannot burn down the World Tree.

He stays away from Jotunheim. 

It seems to work.

Until one day he sees a lovely Jotun in the marketplace in Asgard. She smile when she sees him.

/////////  
////////

He refuses to go too far from the palace when he nears the age he is supposed to marry her.

Surely this will work.

Odin calls him to the throne room one day. 

They need to strengthen ties to Jotunheim, he says. Because of this, Odin has arranged a marriage between Loki and a Jotun woman.

///////  
//////

Loki sees no way out.

/////  
////

It's midnight. Loki sits in the library reading an ancient text by the light of a single candle. There's shadows under his eyes. He hasn't been sleeping much lately. Suddenly he becomes aware of a figure in the doorway. He startles as he notices.

"What do you want?" he asks a little too sharply - his younger brother's unexpected appearance has scared him.

Baldur just stands in the doorway for a moment, his face blank as he stares at Loki. He takes a step inside. 

"I had a dream, brother." his voice breaks the silence. "I had a dream of the future." he draws closer to Loki.

Loki shifts uncomfortably in his chair. 

Baldur is now standing an arm's length away. Loki feels more trapped than he should. His throat goes dry.

Baldur looks very young up close and in the candle light, younger than his fourteen years, and very innocent. Loki, though only in his early twenties, feels the burden of all his past lifetimes, and feels age crushing down on him. Was I ever that young, Loki wonders, that innocent.

Baldur surprises him by suddenly wrapping his arms around his brother, embracing him and burying his face in Loki's shoulder. 

"I forgive you, brother. No matter what happens." he takes a deep breath. "I saw it, but it's ok. I forgive you, even if you do kill me, I forgive you."

After a few moments Baldur still hasn't let go, so Loki puts his arms around him and hugs him tight. The fact that Baldur could see his death by Loki's hand and still care about his brother is almost too much for Loki to bear. He feels a familiar sting in his throat, the one that so often accompanies the heavy feeling in his chest and the threat of unshed tears. The forgiveness that he never realized he so desperately needed was freely offered to him. Although Loki feels almost absolved of a guilt he was carrying in the back of his mind, he knows it won't change anything. This moment in the library will pass, and though Baldur will not hold it against him, it will not make his death any easier.

Loki lets a single tear fall as he returns Baldur's embrace. Whether it is for himself or his brother, he cannot say.

 

////////

 

Loki is in his Jotun skin. He lays on his back in bed, his wife on her side next to him. Angrboda hums quietly to herself as she lets her hand wander idly over his chest. The sun is just rising, barely lighting up the snowscape of Jotunheim just outside their window.

"I always knew I would marry you." she says softly, smiling.

"Is that so?" he murmurs, red eyes half closed, his mind still partway asleep.

"Yes. Ever since I was a little girl, I had an image in my mind of the kind of the man I would fall in love with. When I saw you standing with all those Aesir ambassadors, I thought you had the prettiest face I had ever seen." she scoots a little closer to him. "That night at dinner, when I saw you perform magic for everyone, I knew I had to speak with you."

They both are silent for a few minutes, remembering that night. 

"Would you love me even if I were an Aesir?" he asks quietly. 

"Of course." she kisses him on the cheek. "But it wasn't until you dropped your Aesir glamour that I *knew* we belonged together." she giggled, remembering that night. She had thought he was simply enchanting with his graceful movements as they had danced together at the party that night. He had whispered sassy things in her ear all night long. She remembered the look of pure mischief as he had led her by the hand into a deserted hallway. He had gently pushed her back against the wall and put his hands on the wall on either side of her, telling her to close her eyes for a moment and she would get a surprise. She had stood there, delightfully trapped by this strange man, and squeezed her eyes shut. There was nothing she loved more than mischief and excitement.  
"Now open your eyes." he had whispered, his lips right next to her ear.  
Angrboda had gasped when she opened her eyes again. Before her had stood the most handsome Jotun she had ever seen, red eyes sparkling and blue lips smirking.  
At first she had thought it was another one of his illusions, but when he had told her of his past, she realized she had fallen in love with him.  
Loki had stayed behind from the the rest of the ambassadors from Asgard, and from that moment the two were inseparable. They had gotten married soon after.

It has been a year since their wedding. Angrboda thinks back to those times and sighs happily. 

"It was our fate to meet, wasn't it?" she says dreamily.

"Hmmm. I think it was, dear." he smiles. He has never met someone with whom he feels so comfortable before, and he doesn't think he ever will meet someone like this again.

"Loki, darling." Angrboda bites her lip. "There's something I want to tell you."

Loki rolls over to face his wife. Her face is beautiful in the cold morning light.

Her ruby eyes sparkle with a secret, and a smile plays across her pale azure face.

"You're going to be a father." she whispers.

Loki pulls her towards him and kisses her on the mouth.

She grins as he places small kisses all over her face and runs his hands through her long black hair. She has never been happier than she is right now.

Loki is happy as well. But the is a strange uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He can't help but feel that he is forgetting something. 

//////

 

Loki stands before Odin, anger flashing in his green eyes.

"So you have already made your decision, then?" 

Odin sighs. "Jormungandr is dangerous, Loki. You know I find know pleasure in doing this--he is still my grandson."

"I am not your son!" Loki spits viciously.

Odin chooses to ignore Loki's outburst. "This is the safest option for everyone involved, Loki. Jormungandr will be safe underground on Midgard. I know you think it harsh, but it will be for the best."

"You would put my son in a prison? He is not even out of childhood!" he hisses.

"He may still be young, but he is capable of great damage. There is no compromise on this, I am afraid. Everything has already been arranged. If you wish to bid farewell to your son, I suggest you do it soon."

Loki storms out of the All-Father's presence. He walks to the field where his family is waiting. His heart sinks as he approaches them. Angrboda is wearing the glamour he cast over her. She asks for it every time she comes to Asgard - pale skin to match Loki's, hair as red as fire, and clear blue eyes.  
She is sitting near their son, who is currently in the form of a great snake--his favorite skin to wear. He has powerful magic flowing through his blood because of his father, and he often changes his form. 

He barely manages a smile as his family turns to look at him, painfully oblivious to what is about to happen. 

He kneels down next to his wife and puts a hand on the head of his son. "Jor, darling, I need you turn back to your natural form." he says, trying to swallow the lump in his throat.

Jor turns back into a little boy of eight years. Although both of his parents are Jotuns, the form he considers his own looks Aesir. He looks up at his father with wide green eyes. "What's wrong, Papa?"

"You're going on an adventure for a little while, Jor." he smooths back Jor's hair.

"Can you and Mummy come with me?"

Angrboda grabs Jor's hand. She realizes what's about to happen.

"I'm afraid not, darling. You'll be brave for us, won't you? Be good for us." he finds it's getting difficult to speak.

He notices the Einherjar approaching to take Jor away. "I'll try and come see you as soon as I can." he tells him, even though he knows Odin will not allow any visitors.

Angrboda hugs her child tightly. "We love you so much, Jor." she kisses his forehead.

The Einherjar put shackles on Jor's wrists. He looks pleadingly up at his parents.

"It's ok, son." Loki lies.

Jor doesn't look like he agrees. The Einherjar start to lead him away. He looks back one last time at his parents, his face woeful. Loki and Angrboda both know that were it not for shackles blocking Jor's magic, this entire field would be ablaze. Jor was never good with controlling his emotions.

It's not until he's out of sight that Angerboda breaks down. She clings to Loki as though he were the only solid thing in all universes and wails. He holds her just as tightly, feeling numb. He doesn't even realize there are tears streaming down his face. 

They stand there like this for what seems like an eternity. Through bleary eyes Loki notices two ravens sitting in tree watching them. 

"Are you happy now, All-Father?!" he shouts at them. "Is this what you wanted?!"

The ravens merely tilt their heads and look at them.

 

Loki teleports himself and his wife to their Asgardian chambers. Angrboda turns from him and starts her wailing anew. 

"Take the glamour off of me, Loki!" she sobs. "I don't want to look like these monsters!"

Loki drops the glamour from both of them. 

Angrboda grabs whatever she can off of shelves and the table and flings the objects across the room, still screaming. 

Loki stays silent, leaning against the wall. He keeps his anger in, letting it bubble up and fuel plans for revenge.

///////

Briefly, at the end, he feels a moment of regret. Something seems wrong. But it's too late to go back now--far too late.

Although things had been difficult since the lose of his child, they had managed to make it ten years since that. The worst of the trouble had started last week with the death of Baldur. 

Loki had been down at the river with his brothers. Thor and Baldur were a little ways away while Loki had sat by himself. He was sharpening his throwing knives as he sat on the bank. Thor could be heard laughing in the distance. Though he still cared for his bothers, Loki had never felt as close to them after the problem with Jor and Odin. 

Loki had wandered off to practice throwing the knives. The first three hit the trees just like he had planned. The fourth, however, went slightly off target. 

It had hit something else. Something that cried out.

Loki's blood had run cold.

He ran to where he had heard the cry. It was his little brother, lying on the ground and bleeding.

"Brother." Loki breathed as he fell to knees. "I didn't mean it."

Baldur wheezed. The knife had gone through his chest and had pierced his lung.

Loki had put his hands on his brothers shoulders. "You're going to be alright." Loki had known it would't be true, though. Baldur knew it too. He shook his head sadly and squeezed Loki's hand.

"I'm sorry." Baldur gurgled, blood filling his mouth.

"No! I'm the one who's sorry!" Loki tightened his grip on him. Was this what Baldur had seen all those years ago in his dream, Loki had wondered. 

Loki did not have the magic to heal the wound. 

Bladur's eyes unfocused and his grip on Loki's hand loosened. The blood was still oozing out of his wound when Thor had walked in upon them. 

The scene Thor saw was thus: Loki kneeling over the body of their little brother, with his hand of the knife that was plunged into his chest. 

"What did you do?!" Thor yelled.

"I-it was an a-accident." Loki had stuttered over the words, silver tongue turned to lead.

"You just - you accidentally stabbed him?" Thor's face had grown dark.

"Brother, please-"

"Don't 'brother' me, Loki! Tell me what happened here!" he strode closer to them.

"He - he was in the way…" Loki had stood up and was backing away.

"In the way?!" Thor leaped forward and grabbed Loki by the shoulder.

"He was in the way, so you had to kill him?!" Thor pulled Loki close and punched him hard in face. 

Loki fell back to the ground. He spit blood and cussed.

Thor fell on him, pushing him back and holding him down by the neck. He had pressed down tightly on his throat with his left hand, cutting off Loki's air. With his right hand he continued to pummel Loki's face. 

Loki had been glad that Thor did not have Mjolnir with him at the time, or he surely would have crushed the Trickster's skull. As it was, Loki was sure to have a broken nose and jaw.

Loki had escaped by bringing his knee up sharply into Thor stomach, finally able to push him away. He didn't wait to explain anything, and instead he had teleported away instantly.

In Thor's mind, this had sealed his guilt. Loki had killed Baldur and fled the scene.

Thor scooped up Baldur's body and brought it before Odin. 

"Loki has slain him, father." Thor had told him, choking back tears.

Odin had bowed his head. He had feared that Loki would act out in some way.

"We must find him, and punish him."

"What will be his punishment, Father?" Thor had asked after a moment.

"He will pay with his life."

Thor had looked down at Baldur's body. He wanted to avenge his baby brother, but he did not relish the thought of losing both of his siblings in such a short amount of time.

 

It was now a week later. Loki had been pursued throughout the nine realms. Naught but two days ago he had held Angrboda as her life slipped away, hit by a poison arrow from one of Odin's warriors. 

The next day he had gathered an army of Frost Giants and released his son from Midgard.

Jormungandr there now with Loki atop the hill. Jor's powers had only grown in his imprisonment, even Loki now had no control over what he might do. Loki's army fought against the Aesir, the battle spreading far across the field. It was in the afternoon, and somehow it felt different from all the other afternoons anyone had ever felt before. Not many seem to realize that this is the last afternoon of the world--there will not even be a nightfall, for the there will be no night to fall.

Frigga sits in her room and weeps. She has been wearing only black this past week, mourning for all three of her sons. Her weaving sits forgotten in the corner. 

Atop the hill Thor finally gets Loki alone. 

"Loki, give up this poisonous dream! We can talk to Father--he will change his mind, I am sure!"

"You really are a fool then, Thor. It's gone too far for talking now."

"Brother, please…" he grasps Loki's arm as he begs him. 

Loki mirrors the action, squeezing Thor's arm.

For a brief moment, Thor feels hope go through him, hope that his brother has seen the error of his ways. Then it vanishes as Thor feels something else.

Loki has plunged a knife into his abdomen.

"I am not your brother. I was never was." he says coldly as he twists the knife.

Thor looks down to see the blood dripping all down his front. His head swims. Looking into Loki's eyes one last time he thinks he sees a hint of regret, a small flash of the brother he used to know when they were younger. Thor feels unsteady on his feet, and leans towards Loki. Loki supports him, helping him to the ground. 

Loki brushes Thor's hair out of his face. Thor's eyes are unfocused, sweeping out across the field where Jor is unleashing a tremendous amount of fire. The sky is growing red and ash fills the air. 

"Would that I could do it over again, brother." Thor says weakly.

Loki's face does not betray his emotions.

"You will." he says.

For a moment he doesn't worry about the battle raging all around them. He is simply sitting with the man he grew up with on their favorite hilltop, where they used to tell stories to each other when they were children. Thor leans against Loki and closes his eyes.

"I will see you in Valhalla, Loki." he mutters.

"Oh Thor." he sighs. "Did you ever really believe that I would make it into Valhalla?"

But Thor doesn't hear him.

Loki stays there, looking out on the field. Jor is burning everything now, friend or foe. He looks wild and untamed, because he is. Ten years all by himself under the ground on Midgard has taken it's toll on his sanity. But it's not just the landscape that's burning. Yggradsil itself is on fire, burning down. Soon all the nine realms will be nothing but ash and dust. Loki sees Odin fall under the club of a Frost Giant. Loki thinks that he should feel something about this, either glee at his arch enemy being defeated, or saddeness at the death of the only father he ever knew, but he doesn't feel anything. He has lost so many people in such a short time, he cannot feel anything anymore.

The air is growing thick. Burning. Yggdrasil is burning. No life will be able to escape this fire.

Everything is over.

His lungs fill with the poisoned air and his vision grows blurry.

///////  
///////

 

Loki has lived this so many times, he is weary of it. 

////  
////

A different order, perhaps, but everything has happened again. Just like it always has, just like it always will.

They are here at the end again.

"We can end this right now, Loki!" Thor yells desperately at his brother.

Loki looks to him with tears in his eyes. He shakes his head. "There was never another way out for us, Thor."

Thor comes closer. 

Loki grips the long blade in his hand.

He knows what he should do, what he's done every time before, because it is what fate calls for.

He rebels.

He takes the knife and plunges it into his own chest.

"Loki, NO!" Thor screams, grabbing his brother.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Loki keeps repeating. 

Loki goes still, his whispers fading away.

Thor clings to him, sobbing. He does't hear the footsteps behind him.

The Jotun behind them raises his club and swings.

 

/////  
////

The world begins anew from the beginning.

The primordial elements conspire with one another to create the nine realms. 

The great kings of old are born, and they die.

Buri is licked out of the salty ice of Ginnungagap by Audumbla.

His son, Borr, fights many great battles that stories will told about for generations to come.

Borr has three sons.

His middle son, married to a princess of the Vanir, now sits on the throne Hlidskialf.

/////

 

When little Thor awakens, he is insure of what time it is. The candle that the nursemaid had left has burnt down halfway--it must be in the early hours of the morning. 

Thor rolls over and tries to go back to sleep, but something nags at him until he sits up. He fidgets with the edge of the blanket and bites his lip.

He knows that he should be out of bed past nine, but he can't help himself.

He tosses back the blanket and walks the short distance to Loki's room. Peeking through the doorway, he expects to see his brother fast asleep. What he sees, however, is a pillow stuffed under a blanket, and Loki is nowhere to be seen.

Thor summons up all the courage his eight year old self can muster and goes to look for his brother. 

Briefly, a fear passes through his mind that Jotuns have somehow broken in and stolen him, but he pushes that thought aside.

The first place he goes to check ids the kitchen. Chef has left some pies out, and Thor cannot help but sample them. 

After sticking his finger in three different pies and trying them, Thor feels a little guilty. He knows that Loki wouldn't have come to kitchen--that's something Thor would have done. He knows where his brother would be.

The library looks even more for boding at night than it does in the day, Thor thinks. All that secret knowledge hiding in the shadows scares him.

He finds his brother inside. Loki in sitting in the middle of a circle made out of books--large ones that look difficult to read. It makes Thor uncomfortable.

The books are scattered about and little Loki is leaning over them, trying his best to read them. He doesn't hear Thor approaching. 

"What are you reading?" he asks, curious what would keep his brother up this late. 

Loki's head jerks up. He looks far too weary for a boy of only six years. It breaks Thor's heart.

"I have to study. It's very important." his voice sounds weak.

Thor shifts on his feet. "Loki, how many nights have you been up studying? Is this why you fell asleep at there dinner table last night?"

Loki merely looks back to the book.

Thor looks around. There is no one here, but he knows that if they caught up at this hour they will be in trouble.

"Don't you already learn enough during the daytime?" he can't imagine anyone wanting to learn more after the long hours they spend with the tutors in the day, let alone wanting to learn so badly that someone would waste precious sleep.

"You don't understand. It's *very* important." Loki's voice is strained, and it sounds like he's on the verge of tears.

Thor doesn't say anything, and Loki continues after a pause.

"I have to become the greatest mage, Thor. There's no way around it. I just have to be more powerful than anyone else in the nine realms. If I have enough power, I can protect--" he stops, unsure of what he is even saying.

Thor's brow furrows. 

"You just don't understand." Loki whispers.

"Do you even understand?" Thor asks softly.

But Loki is focusing on his books again.

"Please come back to bed, brother."

Loki doesn't answer.

"I'll go get father!"

His threat goes unnoticed.

Now Thor is unsure of what to do. He was hoping that his bluff would be enough to scare Loki back into his room. He doesn't really want to go Odin for fear of being punished as well.

Loki just sighs and starts on another book. He has three of them spread out in front of him, and to Thor it looks like he is trying to read all three at once.

He takes a step backwards towards the door. "I'm going to do it--I'm going to tell him…"

No response.

Now it's Thor's turn to sigh, he no choice but to go through with his treat.

A short time later Odin is walking down the hallways with his son. Although slightly disgruntled at having been woken so late--or was it early?--he is more worried about Thor's description of 'something wrong with Loki''.

He sees his second son in the middle of the books, exhausting himself with his study.

Loki looks up, his hair falling over his face. "Please let me keep reading." he begs. "It's important…"

"Important?" asks the All-Father. Loki nods.

Thor squirms where he is standing. He thinks it's only a matter of time before their punishment is dished out.

Odin clears his throat. "And just how long will you need to keep reading?" he asks softly.

"Until I know enough."

"Enough to what?"

"Enough… To keep bad things from happening." the last part is barely a whisper.

Odin turns to Thor. "Go back to your room and go to sleep."

Thor freezes, his eyes wide. Where is their punishment?

"Go on, Thor. It's ok. I just want to talk to Loki alone for a little while."

Thor starts towards the door, looking back one more time. He is afraid that Odin will Loki for the both of them, but he dares not disobey the order from his father. He goes back to his bed, but he cannot fall asleep due to worry for Loki's wellbeing.

Odin turns back to Loki. "To keep bad things from happening takes quite a lot of knowledge. It will take many years to learn those kinds of things. Why not get some sleep and learn in the morning?"

Loki shakes his head. "There isn't time." his hands are trembling.

Odin frowns. 

"You seek great power." it isn't phrased as a question, so Loki doesn't answer.

Odin, however, doesn't say anything else, and an awkward silence settles that Loki feels the need to fill somehow. 

"I need to be stronger… Stronger than before."

"What do you mean, before?" his frown deepens.

"I need to work harder than ever before, so I can make things different this time."

"This time?" Odin sits on the ground next to his son. "Does that mean you intend to stay up every night reading and studying?"

Loki looks up at him. "If that's what it takes." he says determinedly, but Odin can the aura of desperation around the boy.

"You'll go without sleep? For years? Do you really think that will work?"

Loki chokes on a sob. "It has to."

Odin stretches out his arms. "Come here."

The look of fear in Loki's eyes stabs at Odin's heart.

Loki slowly shifts closer to his father. Odin pulls him to his chest in an embrace. Loki relaxes just a little. 

Odin raises one hand and smoothes down Loki's hair. He lets his hand rest on his forehead. Unbeknownst to Loki, he is reading his thoughts. He knows there is something troubling his son, something that perhaps Loki himself doesn't even understand.

In the farthest reaches of Loki's mind, where he cannot quite see it but still feels the effects of it, there is an image, a distant memory.

Odin sees it, the thoughts of Loki in his last lifetime, just before he died. They've burrow into little Loki's subconscious, urging him on. He feels that if he can get enough power, he can change his destiny.

Odin sighs, dropping his hand from his head. 

He does not trust the motives of the previous incarnation. It seems just as likely that he would have sought more power just to cause even more pain before the end.

Odin mutters a spell under his breath and Loki falls into a deep dreamless sleep. He carries the tiny sleeping form back his bed and tucks him in. As he walks out he peeks into Thor's room. Although he is keeping still--quite still, in fact, Odin is impressed--he can tell that he's still awake. Odin shakes his head and smiles wearily. 

Thor counts to a hundred before slipping out of his bed. He softly pads over to his brother's bed. 

"Loki." he says as quietly as he can.

Loki doesn't move, though. He finally looks at peace as he's sleeping, and Thor does't have the hear to wake him, he looks so tired.

Thor goes back to his own bed, and after a few minutes falls asleep as well.

 

Odin lays awake for while, mulling the thoughts over in his head. Should he trust the force driving his son? Is it wise?

Fate cannot be swayed, destiny cannot be changed, no matter what. What the Norns have written will come to pass, and there is nothing anyone can do to change this. 

But he also knows that Loki will grow sickly if he does not find peace over this matter. He may not be Odin's true son, but he loves him dearly and cannot stand to see harm to come to him. Frigga would not be able to bear seeing Loki suffer either. 

By the time the sun rises, Odin has made his decision. 

Loki wakes up feeling refreshed for the first time in a long time. He is surprised when later in the morning Odin introduces him to a new tutor, one specifically for the study of magic.

Thor wonders why he does not have a new tutor as well, but when he realizes this means he will have less homework than Loki, he finds he doesn't mind anymore.

//////

 

It's been four years since Loki began magic lessons with the tutor. In that time he has worked harder than anyone in the nine realms, and his family worries for him. Too often he has to be told when to take a break to eat something, or to get some sleep. 

He rarely looks happy, but his magic is almost on par with Odin's.

Frigga especially worries for him. While Thor has made several close friends with the other children--Fandral, Volstagg, Hogun and Sif--Loki has no friends, no one he can spend time with. Although he seems to care deeply for Thor and little Baldur, he almost never goes with them on their adventures.

Several years pass, and continue as they have.

/////

Loki gently pushes back the door to his mother's room. He sees her sitting by the window, her eyes closed. He recognizes that she is meditating. He walks over to her quietly and sits in the chair next to hers.

He doesn't want to say anything or make any noise. 

After several minutes Frigga realizes there is another presence in her room. Her mind comes back to the present and she opens her eyes.

"Loki, dear, it's nice to see you." she smiles fondly at her son.

Loki finds he cannot return the smile.

"You can see the past, can't you?"

Her smile fades. "Yes."

"You can see what it is I've done before, can't you?"

She nods.

"Sometimes I remember too. Sometimes I forget, and I can't remember anything. But when I do remember, it scares me. The things I've done…" he swallows. "The things I might do."

He pauses.

"Sometimes, when I can remember what's happened… Sometimes I feel it might be better for everyone if… Well, I can't kill anyone if I'm not here, right?" he laughs mirthlessly.

"Oh, Loki! You mustn't say things like that!" she hugs her son, wiping away the tears from his eyes.

"What if went away?" he continued. "What if I went back to Jotunheim? I could live in the middle of nowhere, and no one would ever have to hear from me again." he sniffs. "Or you could take away all of magic and put me in the dungeon. I wouldn't be able to get out and hurt anyone. And if I tried to get out, Odin could execute me as a traitor." 

The words Loki is speaking scare Frigga deeply. 

"Loki, we could never do that. We all love you so much, none of us could ever hurt you. I don't want you to think about things like this anymore. You'll stay here in Asgard with your family! If you weren't here, Thor wouldn't even be able to go on. Little Baldur looks up to you so much."

Loki sits in silence, thinking over his mother's words.

"Everything is going to be fine, Loki."

"How can you say that?"

"You've been working so hard on your magic. In all of our lifetimes I… I've never seen you so focused. Now, I know Odin thinks that it won't be able to change anything, but…" she hesitates. "If anyone can change the future, or even delay it a little, it's going to be you, Loki."

She puts her hand on his cheek. "I have faith in you."

He closes his eyes. "Do you really think the future can be changed?"

She doesn't reply.

////

That night Frigga has a conversation with Odin about Loki. They both agree that spending so much time alone is slowly breaking his mind.

/////

Odin goes to Loki one afternoon.

Their conversation is awkward and stilted until Odin brings up what he came to talk about. 

"Do you remember the past, Loki?"

Loki just stares at him.

"Your past life, I mean."

Loki looks away and frowns.

"You know, sometimes it's better not to remember. I try not to think of the past when I can help it."

Silence from Loki.

"If you wanted, your mother or I could brew you something to drink. Something to make you forget."

"No!"

"No? Why not? You're exhausting yourself, Loki. Your mother and I are worried for you. Even when you don't remember the past, it's still there in the back of your mind, driving you to work harder and harder. Why not take a rest from this all?"

"Because, if I can't remember the past, how can I learn from it?"

Odin has no reply.

/////

A week after this conversation, Odin summons Loki to the throne room. 

His whole family is there, except for Baldur, but he is still just a child.

Thor grins at him like an oaf and Loki glares at him.

"You called me here, father?"

"Yes. We are about to receive a guest, and you should be here also."

Loki takes his place next to Thor. Another guest? Probably another boring ambassador that Loki would never have to see again after this. 

"I especially wanted you to meet this guest, Loki--you'll be working with her."

Was this a new tutor?

"She came here to study magic with our tutors. Her family is quite powerful in Jotunheim--she's about the equivalent of a duchess."

A Jotun, then?

"She's only two years older than you, so I expect you'll become quite close friends."

No, it couldn't be…

The Einherjar were escorting someone into the room.

It was a young Frost Giant, shorter than normal, with long black hair that had been carefully curled for the occasion. Instead of traditional Jotun garb she wore a brightly colored dress and shoes that looked as though she had gotten them from Midgard.

It was Angrboda.

She bows and introduces herself. When she looks up her eyes meet Loki's. Her smile widens. So this is the Jotun mage prince raised as an Aesir she had heard so much about.

Loki is furious. 

"How could you bring her here?! You have to take her back!" he yells.

Angrboda's face falls. Has she displeased him already?

"Loki!" his mother scolds. "We brought her here for you--"

"Bringing her here was mistake! She's only going to cause trouble!" he storms out of the room, his anger causing the candles lighting hallway to extinguish.

Angrboda bursts into tears, her hands covering her face. "I didn't do anything to him!" she sobs.

Thor nervously tries to make an excuse of why he's leaving the room, but it's clear he doesn't feel comfortable around the crying girl. It doesn't matter in the end--no one even notices him leaving.

Frigga rushes to her side, trying to console her. 

Odin dismisses the Einherjar, who all look quite confused at what just happened.

////

That night's dinner is an awkward one. 

Frigga insists that Angrboda sit next to Loki. 

Angrboda is determined to have a conversation with Loki.

"How long have you been doing magic?"

He doesn't even look over at her. "Since I could read."

She nods. "I've been doing magic for six years now, since I was ten."

Loki takes a sip of his water.

Angrboda pokes at her food, not eating much.

"That's a very lovely glamour you have."

Loki's fork drops out of his hand and falls to plate with a clatter. Everyone looks at him.

"Odin chose it." he says after everyone had looked away again.

She nods again. "Do you ever wear your Jotun skin sometimes? Just for fun?"

Loki pauses. "Fun?"

"Yes, it can be fun to change your looks, don't you think?" she leans a little closer to him. "For example, in my natural form, I think I'm taller than your father." she giggles. "But I like being this height much better. It just *suits* me, you know?"

Loki nods absent-mindedly.

Angrboda clears her throat. Loki looks up.

She now has pale skin and green eyes, her long dark hair unchanged.

Loki scowls. "Don't copy me."

Her skin fades back to blue as she smiles. She notices Frigga watching them with a grin.

Angrboda ducks her head and blushes.

//////

Although Loki is suspicious of her at first, by Yuletide that year they are best friends.

Frigga had been right to bring her here, they both bring out the best in each other.

Loki's own magic gets stronger from helping her learn, and she makes sure he takes breaks and has fun. 

Guards will occasionally see them walking down the hallways, both in their Jotun forms.

Angrboda also spends a fair amount of time wearing her Aesir glamour. She often varies her hair and eye color, but Loki secretly prefers when she has red hair and blue eyes.

/////

Angrboda knocks on the door of the All-Mother's room. Frigga smiles when she sees who it is.

Angrboda sits in one of the chairs, nervously fiddles with the hem of her dress. 

"Is everything going alright, dear?" Frigga asks.

"Yes, All-Mother." she is unsure of how to voice her concern.

"Hmm. If everything is well, how is it that you find yourself here in my room, seeking advice?"

A blush creeps into her cheeks. "It's Loki." she says awkwardly.

"I've been here almost four years, and we've always been good friends, but… It seems like lately he's been avoiding me. Have I done something to offend him?"

Frigga can't help but grin. "No, you haven't offend him, dear." she chuckles. "I'm afraid our Loki has a bit of a crush on you."

Angrboda squirms. "No, that can't be it." she secretly hopes that it's true.

Frigga pats her hand and laughs. "Yes, it's true! But now the question is, how do you feel about him? If you'd rather have someone else, you'll have to let him gently." she winks, sparkle in her eyes.

Angroda looks down at her feet, too embarrassed to look Frigga in the eye.

"Do you really think he likes me?"

"I know so."

/////

"I'm glad you were able to take a break from your studies long enough to talk with your mother."

Loki has joined Frigga in the gardens at her request.

"Of course, mother. What did you want to talk about?"

"Angrboda is lovely young woman, don't you think?"

Loki groans and covers his face with his hands. "Mother!"

Frigga shrugs. "What?"

He sighs. "I can't be with her, you know that."

"But you want to, don't you?"

"Our child would destroy the world. I hardly think I have a choice about the matter."

"What of things were different this time?"

"What if they aren't?"

"You've worked so hard, Loki. You deserve to be happy, don't ever doubt that."

"And what if my happiness ends up causing the end of the world?"

"What if after all you've given up, the world still ends?"

"You don't believe I can change it, do you?"

"I"m sure you can, darling! But, what if it's not up to you? What if something else happens, and someone else ends up setting fire to Yggdrasil?"

Loki considers her words.

"What if it was never up to us, Loki? What if we are all simply pawns in a game of the Norns? If we step aside, will someone else not step up to take our place?"

Loki smiles wryly. "The most powerful woman in all the realms, a simple pawn?"

"One never knows what the future holds for them, Loki, not even us. Don't let happiness slip away from you because of a fear for something that may not even happen."

"You would see the past repeat itself?"

"I would see you happy, son."

/////

Loki is all by himself in the library. He thinks over his mother's words form the day before.

After a while he begins to notice the presence of someone else in the room, invisible.

Two hands suddenly cover his eyes. "Guess who."

His body tenses. Angrboda giggles.

"Is it Thor?" he smirks.

She drops her hands to his shoulders and leans over, looking at the book he's reading. 

"What's this?" her face is only a couple of inches from his.

"Healing magic." his face feels hot.

"Hmmm." she lets her arms go around his shoulders and clasps her hands over his chest.

"It's not as easy as it seems, but I'm sure it will be very useful." he's finding it very difficult to focus.

She slowly tilts her face towards him.

He closes his eyes and stays very still.

She softly kisses the corner of his mouth. 

He pulls her around so she's facing him and settles her down on his lap.

He puts his arms around her and kisses her quite properly.

//////

 

Loki leans back against the tree, watching his son play play in the river. Angrboda is sitting next to him.

"I'm so glad we came on this trip." she rest her head on his shoulder. "It was so nice of Thor to ask if Jor and I wanted to come."

"Hmm." although Loki knows his wife loves him only, it still irks him when she praises Thor. "Don't you mean it was so nice of me to *let* you come?"

She slaps him playfully.

Jor comes running up. 

"Mummy, Daddy! Look what I found!" he shows them a shiny rock he found on the riverbank.

The sunlight glints off of the gold cuffs around his wrists, the ones that block his magic. 

"That's wonderful, Jor!" she turns to Loki. "It's that nice, what he found?"

Loki is lost in thought.

How long will the cuffs keep his magic at bay? Will he become so powerful that he will overcome them?

Angboda jabs him in the ribs with her long black nails.

Loki smiles. "That's very nice, son."

Jor runs back to the river.

Angrboda hadn't been too pleased when Loki first insisted that Jor's magic be blocked. He had told her that Jor would need to learn how to control magic before he should use it, but Loki knows this was a lie. Angrboda doesn't remember any past lives, and he wants to keep it that way. Baldur doesn't seem to remember, either. 

Sometimes Loki will catch Thor staring at him, a faraway look on his face. When Loki notices, Thor will give him a sad smile. Loki thinks that Thor is remembering something from the past, and it makes Loki's stomach turn. He doesn't want to be that person, not anymore, not again.

Please, Norns, not again.

Baldur runs over to them. "Brother! Thor says dinner will ready soon!"

Loki smiles. Baldur always seems so happy. 

When Jor sees his uncle, he comes running up to him. "Uncle Bladur!" 

Bladur picks him up. "Are you ready for dinner, little one?"

The sun is just starting to set as all five of them sit around the fire, their plates with meats and breads.

"it is so wonderful to have us all here." Thor beams at them. "We must make this a tradition--what do you say? We shall come here again next year at this time."

The others all agree with him, except for Loki, who stares into the fire, silent.

"What do you think, Loki?" Thor nods to him.

"I think…" he answers slowly. "I think I should like it very, very much, if we are all here at this time next year."

"Then it's settled!" Thor takes a drink from his mug.

"Aye, and mayhap next year the Lady Sif will join us?" Baldur asks mischievously.

Thor chokes on his drink and blushes. "I, uh, I am not too sure about that."

"Oh, come on, Thor! I'm sure the whole nine realms know by now how sweet you are on her. You should just make her your betrothed and be done with it." Loki scoffs.

"A lady will not wait around forever." Angrboda winks.

Thor shifts uncomfortably. "I am unsure if she returns my affections."

The rest of party answers at once. "She does."

"At this rate," Baldur pipes up. "Nanna will be joining us sooner than Sif."

Thor looks scandalized. "Baldur! You are too young to be getting married! And I thought Nanna was just a *friend*, not a *girlfriend*!"

"Why, I'm only a year younger than Loki when he got married!"

Loki tries to hide his smirk behind his mug.

"And I… I feel quite… Fond… Of Nanna…" Baldur trails off, probably regretting not knowing where he was going with that sentence when he started it.

"Aww, Little Baldur is growing up!" Angrboda teases him.

"I am not little." he pouts.

"Aye? Perhaps we should ask Nanna about that." Loki elbows Baldur, who flushes a bright red.

When their laughter dies down Thor sighs happily. "This is why I am glad it just us here tonight." he shakes his head. "It was quite the task talking Father out of taking guards with us." he waves his hand. "They would have ruined all our fun, with their blank faces and constant concerns… Not to mention telling all our secrets." he slaps Baldur on the back. "How could Father not understand that? He was so adamant about it."

"But the Mighty Thor vanquished him." Angrboda sniggers.

Loki pinches her.

"When have you ever know Father to care about fun?" Baldur says.

"I think you would be surprised." Loki replies cheekily. "I've heard quite a few tales about Odin in his younger days."

"Tell us one, brother!" Thor begs.

Loki chuckles and begins a tale. "You see, it all started when Odin went off to Jotunheim without anyone's knowledge. Now, Borr, his father, had told quite specifically not to go there, and there was a very good reason…"

///////

The fire has died down and the sun long since set.

Loki scoops up his sleeping son. As they walk towards the cabin they will spend the night in, Loki thinks he hears a noise. He turns and looks behind him.

Nothing.

////

The next morning they begin to pack for their return trip.

They set out right after breakfast.

Loki can't shake the feeling that there's another presence here with them.

They have been riding for nearly an hour when Baldur realizes that his saddle bag has fallen off.

"Leave it, brother! There is nothing in there that you cannot buy another of!" Thor calls back to him.

Baldur whines something that Thor can't quite make out.

"What was that?" Thor is confused.

Angrboda, who heard what Baldur said, chuckles.

Thor slows his horse until he is side by side with Baldur.

Baldur's face turns a shade of red.

"I said, there was a locket in there…"

Thor cocks an eyebrow. "A locket?"

"Give to you by the Fair Nanna, perhaps?" Loki grins.

The glare Baldur shoots him is answer enough.

"Very well, you may go back to look for it." Thor shakes his head. "But Loki, you should go with him, make sure he doesn't get lost."

Loki nods.

Baldur sets off with Loki following. Thor, Angrboda and Jor dismount for a short break.

They ride in silence, Baldur because he's intently scanning the forest floor, and Loki because he has an uneasy feeling.

Halfway back Baldur catches sight of the saddlebag. It's snagged on a branch near a ridge on a hill.

Loki sighs with relief. Now they can return on their way.

Baldur jumps off his horse. He jogs over the ridge, reaching for his saddlebag.

He looks dangerously close to the edge. Loki frowns.

"Be careful!" he calls out sharply.

Baldur whips his head around to look at Loki. As he does this, the ground under his feet gives way.

He disappears from sight with a yelp.

Loki's head feels like it might explode.

He runs to the side, looking down.

Baldur is ling on the ground, unmoving, his body twisted at an awkward angle.

Loki makes his way down the ridge.

As he stands by Baldur's body, a thousand images from a thousand lifetimes play through his head.

Accidentally stabbing Baldur. Helplessly watching Baldur drown. Sitting back, watching a hired man beat Baldur to death. Cleaving Baldur's head from his body with his own sword. Loki's hands around Baldur's throat, squeezing tightly.

Loki falls to his knees. "Brother." he whispers.

He reaches out to him, hands trembling. He tries to swallow, but his mouth has gone dry.

This is what he has been working so hard for.

He senses a faint pulse in Baldur's wrist.

Relief crashes over him like a wave.

He puts one hand over Baldurs' head and one over his chest.

Loki's hands glow a pale green, his Healing magic spreading out through Baldur's body, mending the broken bones and repairing the bruised organs. 

Baldur takes a deep breath.

He screams.

The Healing magic does not provide pain relief, if anything, it hurst more than the injury itself.

Loki speaks a spell to put Baldur into a deep sleep. At least this way he will not feel the pain until the magic has finished it's work.

Loki has done all he can--now he must wait for the spell to work on it's own.

He picks up Baldur and carries him up the ridge. Though only in a deep sleep, he has the appearance of one dead.

"Well, well. What have we here?"

Loki freezes. Tyr is standing before him, his arm wrapped around Jor.

"I've never trusted you, Jotun. I'm glad the All-Father had me follow this merry little camping trip--how else would anyone have found out what you did to Baldur? You pushed him didn't you? I heard him scream."

"You don't understand." Loki feels like his voice has stopped working. His eyes don't leave his son, who's squirming in Tyr's grip.

"Daddy, I'm scared." Jor sobs.

Tyr tightens his grip.

"You've killed an Odinson, Jotun. I think I'll keep *your* son to make sure you don't try to get away."

Jor tries to claw his way out of Tyr's grasp, but to no avail. 

In a few short seconds, Loki considers his options.

He could take Baldur out of his sleep, but leave him in terrible pain. He could take Baldur back to Thor and try to explain what happened. He could hope to reason with Tyr, or hope that he wouldn't hurt his little boy.

But Loki has never trusted Tyr, and he knows leaving Jor with him for even a moment is not an option.

Besides, Jor has no magic to defend himself. He has no magic because Loki had insisted on blocking it.

"Let him go, right now." Loki's voice is low and threatening. 

Tyr grins wickedly. "Oh ho. Concerned for someone other than yourself for a change? This is new. But don't worry, *I* won't harm your child. I can't promise harm won't come to him in the dungeons, however… Same goes for your pretty little wife." he licks his lips. 

Loki sets Baldur down as carefully as he can. He had thought for sure this time would be different--that he wouldn't run, wouldn't get in a fight if only he could save Baldur. But he has no choice.

He immediately teleports directly behind Tyr, knocking him across the head.

Tyr stumbles, letting go of Jor.

Loki grabs Jor with one arm, kicking Tyr to ground for good measure.

Loki vanishes.

Tyr groans. Reaching into his jacket pocket, he pulls out a tiny mirror that haas runes etched onto it. He holds it up to face and speaks into it.

"We must send out a troop to hunt down Loki. He has turned against Asgard, killing one of the Odinsons."

On the other side of the mirror the General of the Einherjar listens to Tyr's words. He gathers his warriors to find the fallen prince.

/////

Loki knows there is no going back now. Even though he has saved Baldur, he has attacked Tyr, an action tantamount to treason.

He has teleported himself and his son to their home on Jotunhiem. He tarries here only a moment, thinking of the best place for his son to hide.

He teleports one more time, this time to Angrboda's sister's house.

"You're going to stay with Auntie Jarnsaxa for a little while, ok? I want you to be good and do everything she tells you."

He briefly tells Jarnsaxa of what has happened, and warns her to stay inside and not let anyone in.

Jor looks up at his Auntie, who is taller than his father, even taller than his Uncle Thor. Jarnsaxa has no magic, no shapeshifting, and looks quite imposing as most Jotuns do.

Jor is not afraid of her, however, as he has spent time here before.

"Can we play a game, Auntie?" he desperately wants to forget almost being kidnapped by Tyr.

Jarnsaxa smiles and nods, still a little flustered by the new Loki had told her. "Of course, dear!" 

She takes his hand and they walk into the living room, Jarnsaxa making sure one last time that the door is locked.

////

As soon as he knows his son will be safe, Loki teleports back to the forest. 

Judging form the extent of his injuries, Baldur should still be asleep.

When he gets there, Tyr is nowhere to be seen. Baldur is lying on the ground, unmoved.

Loki huffs. So Tyr just left the body here? So much for caring about the sons of Odin.

Loki picks him up again. As he holds on to him, he realizes something feels… wrong with the magic.

He frowns. This is going to take more work than he first thought.

He teleports them both back to palace. They end up in an unused room in the abandoned part of the palace--Loki knows no one will come here. They all feared the ghosts too much--stories Loki was happy to tell anyone who listened. The stories had spread and soon everyone was avoiding going to this part of the palace. Loki had been quite pleased, he now had a place he go when he wanted to be alone.

He lays Baldur down on the bed. 

His magic searches for what has gone wrong.

After several minutes, he finds it. A rib has shattered and pieces of it have punctured his lung, which is now filling with blood. Baldur is in danger of drowning in his own blood.

Loki knows he can fix this, but it will take time. He puts up an enchantment around the room, blocking them from anyone finding them. If someone were to barge in interrupting Loki, Baldur would be lost.

///

Tyr stand before the All-Father.

"He has slain Bladur."

Odin cannot believe this.

"Are you sure?"

"I am indeed. He pushed Baldur off of a high ridge, I heard him cry out in pain. Loki was carrying the limp body, probably intent on burying him in shallow grave. When he realized he was caught, he attacked me."

Odin's brow furrows in thought.

"You saw this with your own eyes?"

Tyr pauses. He did not actually witness what had happened. He had been following a distance behind when he heard Baldur scream. All he had seen was Loki carrying a dead Baldur, but really, what other explanation could there be? Especially when a Jotun was involved.

"I did, your majesty."

Odin wipes his face with his hands. "Loki is known for his tricks and cunning, but never did I think him capable of harming one of his brothers."

He is silent for a moment as the loss of Baldur sinks in.

"Very well." he says gruffly. "Have the Einherjar bring Loki to me. He must pay for his transgressions."

"Sir, I have already sent the Eiherjar to find him."

Odin looks up sharply.

"I would prefer you wait for the order of your King before you send out a warrant for the arrest of one of his sons!"

"But he is not your son, maj-"

Odin silences him with a harsh glare.

///

Loki rubs his eyes. It has been a difficult few hours, but Baldur will live. All he needs now is to sleep and he will be completely well by morning.

Loki sighs. If there even is a morning coming after this day.

He knows by now Thor will have returned and no doubt heard what Tyr thinks happened. Angrboda, if she was not quick enough, will have put in the dungeons.

There will be an entire army out there, looking for him.

He closes his eyes and focuses his mind. He can see Angrboda, who is still in the forest. He gets a good look at where she is and a second later, he is standing there with her.

"Loki!" she embraces him. "Jor is missing! I can't find him! He must have wandered off when I looked away!"

"It's all right, Angie. He's safe. It's a long story. Where's Thor?"

"He went back to the palace to ask Odin to send his ravens out to find Jor. I stayed behind in case I found him first."

So Thor was back at the palace.

Overhead, two ravens squawk.

They look up as they fly by.

The ravens look at them and quickly head back towards the palace.

Loki feels unwell again.

"Jor is with your sister on Jotunheim. That's where you need to go. Make sure you lock the doors and don't let anyone in."

"What's going on? Is something wrong?"

"It's just a big misunderstanding."

"Oh." she knows he's keeping something from her.

"Will I see you later tonight?"

Loki swallows. "I'll try."

The afternoon is already wearing on, and he is unsure how much longer the universe will continue.

He kisses her on the forehead. "I love you so much, Angie." he whispers.

She blinks, realizing there are tears in her eyes and she doesn't know why.

She gives him a watery smile and disappears. 

Loki closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths. 

///

He teleports to the hill. He knows that this is probably the worst place for him to come, because of what has happened here every lifetime.

But there's a reason this hill was a favorite for Loki and his brothers--standing here one can see the palace entrance and a good deal of the land surrounding it. It is the perfect place to keep watch.

He sits down under the tree, thinking back to that lifetime so long ago when he visited the Norns.

 

"Do you know the seasons, Prince? Spring, when life is just beginning. Summer, when life flourishes and many things are happening. Autumn, when things begin to draw to a close. And Winter, when everything dies and is buried. Nothing escapes the seasons, Prince. Not even Yggdrasil itself. But after everything has died away, life comes again, and the cycles start over. Can you picture what would happen if the seasons ceased to turn? If the summer overstayed it's welcome, the sun would surely scorch the earth, destroying the very things it once helped grow. If the winter chose to linger, the beautiful snow would soon turn into a curse. Seasons are here for a reason, and there is a time for everything--even endings."

 

"Loki?" 

A voice calls him out of his reverie.

"Thor."

"What are you doing up here?"

Loki laughs bitterly.

"Haven't your heard? How I murdered Baldur? Or is that why you're here, to capture the Jotun criminal?"

"No, I am here to tell you the spell you put on Baldur wore off too soon." he chuckles. "He was wondering around that room, spouting all kinds of nonsense. Something about a wolf biting off someone's hand."

Thor shakes his head, smiling.

Loki is confused.

"What were you doing in that part of the palace?"

"Why, I was looking for you of course!"

The look on Loki's face makes Thor laugh once again before his face goes sombre.

"I heard what Tyr said you did. I simply couldn't believe it, so I had to find you for myself."

"But… Weren't you frightened of the ghosts?"

Thor sits down next to him.

"I know you made up those ghost stories, Loki."

Loki is silent for a moment.

"Why did you play along with them for so long, then?"

"Because I knew you wanted a place that was just for you. I didn't want to take that away from you."

And here I thought myself so clever, Loki thinks to himself.

"I knew that if you were hiding, that was the first place you'd be."

Thor frowns. 

"Why was Tyr saying those awful things about you?"

Loki shakes his head. "He just doesn't like me. I guess he wanted to believe the worst about me."

"Right after I connived Baldur to go back to sleep, I went and told Father. He knows that you didn't do anything wrong.The Einherjar aren't looking for you anymore. Tyr, however, is going to have a lot of explaining to do."

Loki doen't say anything.

Thor hesitates. "Sometimes… Sometimes I would hear Tr make… remarks, about Jotuns."

Loki turns his head to watch Thor.

"Do you ever regret having to call a Jotun your brother?"

"No! Never!" Thor looks flustered. "We may not have the same parents, Loki, but we are still brothers. Never doubt that I love you." he puts his hand on Loki's shoulder.

"Tyr's words always made me feel… Uncomfortable. The Jotuns are not as bad some people seem to think." he pulls Loki into a one-armed embrace. "I am glad to call you my brother, Loki. And I am glad to have Angrboda as a sister-in-law, and to be Jor's uncle. I am sure that Baldur feels the same way, too."

"Odin holds no ill will against me after what happened with Baldur, then? There is no army marching to destroy me?"

"Of course not, Loki. Father was quite pleased when he heard Baldur was alive, I don't think he wanted to believe that you would harm him. I am not sure, but I assume you had tried to heal Baldur--is that not why he was in your private room?"

Loki nods.

He can't believe it. Is the cycle broken? 

The sun starts to set. Their conversation turns to other topics. 

/

In her room in the palace, Frigga looks out her window on the evening that has never happened before and smiles. She knows two of her sons are atop the hill, talking instead of fighting. It would not be evening now if it were not so.

/

People in the marketplace look up at the stars that are starting to come out. This night feels brand-new, as though there has never been one like it before.

/

Angrboda is telling Jarnsaxa about her life in Asgard as her son plays on the floor. Although anxiety had consumed her earlier, she now feels a peace deep inside.

/

Baldur rests on the bed in the lonely room, sleeping. His pain is almost gone.

/

Odin considers who he will promote to replace Tyr. He looks out at the dark sky, marveling at the beauty of this night.

/

Loki does not know what will happen after this. This night has never come before. From this point on, all is new.

The future spreads out in front of them like an open book, just waiting to be read.

Loki, along with anyone who remembers the past, does not know what the future will hold.

He does not know how long this will last, if it even will.

It may be one extra day, it may be a hundred years, it may be an eternity that lays before them.

But he doesn't care. All that matters right now is that he sitting atop the hill with his big brother, telling stories to each other and enjoying each other's company.

This is enough for him.

To be alive, with the ones that he loves, is enough for him.

////////  
////////

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought? ;-;
> 
> Even if you hated it... (・_・;)
> 
> But especially if you liked it! ( ・ω・)
> 
> <3


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